In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
