I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
