well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
