she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
