You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
