planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
