awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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