I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
