Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
