Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
