Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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