for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
