Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
