I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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