During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
