I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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