matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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