Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
