You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
