I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
