Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
