conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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