Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
