so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
