i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
