Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize