I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
