i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
