Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
