she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
