you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
