My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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