I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
