I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
