Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
