Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
