I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
