You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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