He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
