you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
