If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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