she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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