did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
