Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
