When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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