i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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