What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
