you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
