is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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