Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
