he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
