I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
