Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
