Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
