I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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