So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
