I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
