I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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