I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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