Plan B is the new Plan A
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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