some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
