She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
