I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
